Seeking advice

so I’ve moved beyond being a heartbroken OW to another emotionally charged issue and I’d love some input from you all since you all have come to know me in a very real (although anonymous) way.

I am dating an older (SINGLE) man (early 50′s). I’m in my mid/late 30′s and I have young children. His children are teenagers. We’ve been seeing each other for several months and amazingly, we have a lot of real interests in common, despite the age difference.

I’m not sure how to approach the topic of where he sees things going without freaking him out and thinking I’ve planned the rest of our lives together. I’ve never dated after divorce or with children, so I’m trying to navigate this properly.

I don’t even know if I SHOULD broach the topic. Normally, I don’t think I would, but because I have children, it seems logical that I would only consider pursuing a relationship that would have the possibility of being RIGHT for the long haul… It doesn’t make sense to pursue a relationship that will only lead to a dead end with no possibility of a future.

In other words, if I’m going to spend my time in a relationship and with the possibility of getting hurt and losing at love, I want it to at least be for the right reasons (ie: a relationship that at least COULD lead to something more)

UGH… I know he and I need to address this topic at SOME POINT… I just don’t know when or how…

Help?

Priceless

I’m not sure where to begin. It’s been ages since I wrote anything on here… or at least it seems as though it has been. It seems like another life.

I’ve been enjoying myself (!!! I KNOW !!!) and was a bit afraid to come and read these posts. I don’t want to be down and sad. I don’t want to relive those moments.

And yet, I don’t want to forget them.

You see, I’m in a happy place. The man that I was “pretending” with ended up being the real deal. And we are still seeing each other.

I don’t want to forget how far I’ve come. From a place where I was hurt and confused more than I ever have been in my life. From a place where I thought I was losing my mind. From a place of sheer pain and hell.

Oddly enough, one of the things that drove me absolutely stark-raving mad during my affair is present in this relationship as well: we are not able to see each other much; communication mainly over phone/text/email… Yet I feel so differently about this now.

I know that it is not because he has to go home to his wife.

And I can handle the time apart.

I’m NOT crazy.

I feel empowered and in control of myself.

For once I can say that, though I might consider it, I don’t think I’d go back to my xMM is he asked me to.

And that is priceless.

Pretending

I know that is what I am doing. But it is working for me right now: I’ve managed to go 2 full days without crying (HUGE!!!!) and without thinking of him constantly. And when I do think of him, I don’t feel like I’ve been punched in the gut (ok… I do, but it doesn’t feel like I’ve been sucker-punched and tackled and stomped on)

And it feels good.

I know it is only a matter of time before some of the excitement that I’m going through right now subsides, and my xMM creeps back to the forefront of my mind, however, I’ll take these moments of pseudo-normality for now.

This isn’t to say that I don’t think of him. I do. A lot. But I have a distraction that is helping to take the edge off of it.

That being said… when I stop and think about things, I’d definitely run back to him if he contacted me. That’s something I still can’t pretend I wouldn’t do.

So much for being strong…