I’m not sure where to begin. It’s been ages since I wrote anything on here… or at least it seems as though it has been. It seems like another life.
I’ve been enjoying myself (!!! I KNOW !!!) and was a bit afraid to come and read these posts. I don’t want to be down and sad. I don’t want to relive those moments.
And yet, I don’t want to forget them.
You see, I’m in a happy place. The man that I was “pretending” with ended up being the real deal. And we are still seeing each other.
I don’t want to forget how far I’ve come. From a place where I was hurt and confused more than I ever have been in my life. From a place where I thought I was losing my mind. From a place of sheer pain and hell.
Oddly enough, one of the things that drove me absolutely stark-raving mad during my affair is present in this relationship as well: we are not able to see each other much; communication mainly over phone/text/email… Yet I feel so differently about this now.
I know that it is not because he has to go home to his wife.
And I can handle the time apart.
I’m NOT crazy.
I feel empowered and in control of myself.
For once I can say that, though I might consider it, I don’t think I’d go back to my xMM is he asked me to.
And that is priceless.
5 comments
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October 15, 2009 at 1:12 am
Jessica
Courage and inner strength is priceless. The ability to say no…
October 18, 2009 at 1:10 am
Jill
You’re out! Don’t go back there. It’s Sat. and I want to talk to my mm and I can’t! I can’t call on Sat. or Sun. The wife will retire in June, and I won’t be able to call anymore. I’ll have to wait for him.
I’ll never date anyone again that I can’t walk down any street holding their hand.
October 21, 2009 at 4:11 am
michelle
HBOW – I’m SOOO happy that things are working for you!!!I was concerned that you might have gone back to your MM…I didn’t want you to have to go through that pain again.
So glad all is well – wishing you the best.
October 22, 2009 at 1:09 am
misfitmistress
im so glad to see you upbeat! i was starting to worry about you. i totally understand how you feel its hard to blog when you feel like you are getting better- im proof of that! i still try to come on my blog- but only when im in the mood for it… i dont like it to bring me down. its good to share your stories of how you are feeling better and enjoying yourself… i found its what all mistresses who are struggling want to hear… that there is a light at the end of the dark tunnel.
October 22, 2009 at 7:25 pm
Heartbroken OW
you guys — seriously — thank you for checking on me and for your sweet words.
I really am happy. I feel good and I’m in a good place.
And thanks for the reminder, MM — I need to be on here still, encouraging other women who were where I was. We all need to know that there is hope and that we can be happy.